Saskatchewan Federation of Police Officers 57 Never retaliate. An abusive partner may try to provoke you into retaliating or using force to escape the situation. If you do retaliate, you’re putting yourself at risk of being arrested or removed from your home. Get evidence of the abuse. Report all incidents to the police and get a copy of each police report. Keep a journal of all abuse with a clear record of dates, times, and any witnesses. Include a photographic record of your injuries and make sure your doctor or hospital also documents your injuries. Remember, medical personnel aren’t likely to ask if a man is a victim of domestic violence, so it’s up to you to ensure that the cause of your injuries are documented. Keep a mobile phone, evidence of the abuse, and other important documents close at hand. If you have to leave instantly in order to escape the abuse, you’ll need to take with you evidence of the abuse and important documents, such as a passport and driver’s license. It may be safer to keep these items outside of the home. Obtain advice from a domestic violence program or legal aid resource about getting a restraining order or order of protection against your partner and, if necessary, seeking temporary custody of your children. Tips for escaping an abusive relationship The pressure of trying to be seen as a “strong man” can often makes it difficult for men experiencing abuse to seek help. You may fear that the police or other people you reach out to won’t take you seriously. Although it may be difficult to overcome these fears, it’s important to recognize that the abuse will likely continue until you take steps to escape. Call a domestic abuse hotline (see below). In addition to helping you find local resources, calling a hotline can also help you brainstorm a safety plan for your specific situation. Reach out to shelters if possible. Although they are less common than shelters for women, you might find locations that accept male survivors of domestic violence. Because shelters exclusively for men are so rare, aim to narrow your search to shelters that say they are “inclusive of all gender identities.” Rely on resources that your partner can’t access. For example, use a computer outside of your home as you research shelters. Keep money in a separate account or stash physical cash in a hidden location. Make calls from a friend’s phone. Confide in someone trustworthy. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or counselor, open up to someone who will believe you. Aside from providing an emotional outlet and possible advice, this person might also be a source of practical assistance. For example, you might store items at their house for safekeeping. Or perhaps you can stay with them if a shelter is not an option. Leave safely. Choose a safe moment to leave the abusive situation. Again, you want to avoid leaving in a way that might involve physically engaging with your abusive partner; otherwise, you put yourself at risk of being labeled as the aggressor. A safe exit could involve having a trusted person present or leaving while your abuser is out. Moving on from an abusive relationship Support from family and friends as well as counseling, therapy, and support groups for domestic abuse survivors can help you move on from an abusive relationship. You may struggle with upsetting emotions or feel numb, disconnected, and unable to trust other people. You may even face increased mental health problems or turn to excessive drug and alcohol use to cope. After the trauma of an abusive relationship, it can take a while to get over the pain and bad memories but you can heal and move on. Even if you’re eager to jump into a new relationship and finally get the intimacy and support you’ve been missing, it’s wise to take things slowly. Make sure you’re aware of any red flag behaviors in a potential new partner and what it takes to build healthy, new relationships. Image by freepik helpguide.org
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