Saskatchewan Federation of Police Officers 55 • Accuses you of not really being gay, bisexual, or transgender. • Justifies their abuse with the excuse that all men are naturally aggressive and violent. Why men don’t leave abusive relationships Regardless of gender, ending a relationship, even an abusive one, is rarely easy. It becomes even harder if you’ve been isolated from friends and family, threatened, manipulated, and controlled, or physically and emotionally beaten down. You may feel that you have to stay in the relationship because: You feel ashamed. Many men feel great shame that they’ve been abused, been unable to stand up for themselves, or somehow failed in their role as a male, husband, or father. Your religious beliefs dictate that you stay or your self-worth is so low that you feel this abusive relationship is all you deserve. There’s a lack of resources. Many men worry they’ll have difficulty being believed by the authorities, or that their abuse will be minimized because they’re male, or find there are few resources to specifically help abused men. You’re in a same sex relationship but haven’t come out to family or friends, and are afraid your partner will out you. You’re in denial. Just as with female domestic violence victims, denying that there is a problem in your relationship will only prolong the abuse. You may still love your partner when they’re not being abusive and believe they will change or that you can help them. But change can only happen once your abuser takes full responsibility for their behavior and seeks professional treatment. You want to protect your children. You worry that if you leave, your spouse will harm your children or prevent you from having access to them. Obtaining custody of children is always challenging for fathers, but even if you are confident that you can do so, you may still feel overwhelmed at the prospect of raising them alone. You want to protect your pet. Abusers can use the threat of animal abuse as a way to control their partners. If you and a partner jointly care for a pet, you might fear that they’ll mistreat the animal if you leave, or deny you access. Protecting yourself as an abused male Domestic violence and abuse can have a serious physical and psychological impact. The first step to protecting yourself and stopping the abuse is to reach out. Talk to a friend, family member, or someone else you trust, or call a domestic violence helpline. Admitting the problem and seeking help doesn’t mean you have failed as a man or as a husband. You are not to blame, and you are not weak. As well as offering a sense of relief and providing some much-needed support, sharing details of your abuse can also be the first step in building a case against your abuser. When dealing with your abusive partner: Leave if possible. Be aware of any signs that may trigger a violent response from your partner and be ready to leave quickly. If you need to stay to protect your children, call emergency services. The police have an obligation to protect you, just as they do for a female victim. Image by rawpixel - freepik.com continued
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