Saskatchewan Federation of Police Officers 103 The world no longer seems safe or predictable. Until something like this happens in one’s life, many people assume that their life and world will proceed in a relatively predictable and sensible manner, with minor adjustments along the way. It also often is assumed that we are safe from danger, at least in our modern, routine day-to-day lives. When this type of sudden, violent death occurs, these assumptions are shattered. At times, you may experience profound confusion and anxiety because you have no other way to understand the world, and your loved one’s death may lead you to believe that the assumptions of safety and predictability no longer apply. You may be consumed with the death itself. Since this death does not make sense to you, you may find that there is much thinking about the death itself, reviewing the leadup to it, and looking for some way to understand it. You may find that you do this repeatedly. Again, this is a normal reaction to this unanticipated tragedy. The violent nature of your loved one’s death, and the possibility that their body was badly disfigured, also may be involved in thoughts and imagery that you find particularly difficult to ignore. If you were in the vehicle with them, there may be vivid recall of the scene, that you play over and over again in your mind’s eye. Anger. Anger is a normal way to protest against what has happened. Not only may you feel anger toward the impaired driver but, as well, you may find that you feel angry toward other people, God, or even the person who died. While it is important to understand that anger is a very common experience in grief, it is equally important to express these feelings in ways that are not harmful to you or the others in your life. This was preventable. When your loved one dies due to an impaired driver, there is an identified person to hold responsible. In light of this reality, the death is understood as preventable. When this is your experience, there may be an accompanying anger, directed at the driver in this case, and a strong sense of the injustice and unfairness of this circumstance. Dealing with legal matters. In all likelihood, there will be a criminal legal process as a result of your loved one’s death due to the impaired driving crash. You may find yourself quite focussed and occupied by these legal matters. For some, this actually can be quite a helpful focus, as they may experience this as one way to channel their anger, and/or to achieve a degree of understanding about what happened. For others, however, the legal process may feel like a huge wall that prevents one from beginning their process of adjustment. It also may add stress, as you are required to revisit the situation, as well as experience frustrations with the legal process, or with judgments that are made. madd.ca TRAUMA,LOSS & BEREAVEMENT CONTINUED Thank You! for Your Support
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